Sunday, May 13, 2012

SAHM STUFF

I am a stay at home mom and wife. I used to be a stay at home mom/fiance and a student. I've since dropped the student title from my imaginary resume. You'd be surprised, as a stay at home mom, how often I have to defend my "career" choice. Judging by some people's reactions you would think I told them I was working on a street corner or something akin to that. Here are just a few questions and comments I get and how I answer them:

Q: Don't you feel guilty letting your husband bring home all the money?
I SAY: No. I raise a child all day long. Plus, I take care of the house stuff. I feel like I give a pretty healthy contribution even if it isn't monetary.
I THINK: No. And why is it your business about who brings home what? He brings home the monetary bacon but I bring home the actual grocery store bacon, some would agree that they are both pretty damn awesome.

Q: What do you do all day long?
I SAY: Oh you know - clean, laundry, run errands, take care of the kid.  
I THINK: What do YOU do all day? Obviously it isn't occupying you enough to keep your nose out of my day.

Q: It must be so nice to sleep in and be able to nap whenever you want.
I SAY: I'm pretty lucky that Alessandra doesn't get up super early but I rarely nap when she does. I need that time for me.
I THINK: You're a moron. You obviously don't have children. Furthermore, you have a really unrealistic view of what having children will be like.

Q: I guess it was a waste of time and money for you to get your degree.
I SAY: No, I really loved being a student and my time in college.
I THINK: Yeah, so I guess its a good thing you don't have to pay my student loans, huh? (But, in real life, I don't think it was a waste of time or money. I loved being a student and the way my time exploring my interests shaped me. It was totally worth it.)

Q: What would you do if your husband ever left you? How would you make money?
I SAY: I don't believe a marriage works that way. You don't plan a safety net for if or when your marriage dissolves. I don't plan on my marriage ending so I suppose this is a non-issue for me. Naive? Perhaps. My beliefs? Totally.
I THINK: I don't believe a marriage works that way. You don't plan a safety net for if or when your marriage dissolves. I don't plan on my marriage ending so I suppose this is a non-issue for me. Naive? Perhaps. My beliefs? Totally. Also, seriously? You're ridiculous. (Yeah, this doesn't differ much - haha.)

Q: So, your husband makes the money and you spend the money?
I SAY: Haha, yeah, someone has to do the grocery shopping and bill paying. (Disclaimer: Husband is completely capable to grocery shopping and bill paying, I just take care of it because I have the time throughout the day.)
I THINK: Yeah, buddy. Groceries, bills and rent are my idea of a good time. If you think paying those things are the equivalent of a shopping spree for me, you are obviously delusional.

So yeah, who would have thought that being a stay at home mom would have brought so much controversy? But, for some reason, people tend to have really strong opinions about what mothers do - whether it be stay at home, work at home, or work outside of the home. So much so that at times I've felt like a lesser mom person for not working. It really is absurd how people pass judgement on these types of things.

Anyway, having said all of that, I often think about what it would be like to having a job. About what I want to do when I "grow up." A lot of things actually - boutique and/or consignment shop owner, realtor, flight attendant, photographer, wardrobe consultant - pass through my mind. But, for now, I'm happy with my status as a stay at home mom and wife. I like my role but that doesn't mean that I don't plan on ever doing something for myself, I just haven't figured out what I want that something to be yet.

Also, a small random confession - sometimes I get jealous of ladies who get to (or have to) dress up for work and get to spend a solid 8 hours around other adults. Every situation has its lists of pros and cons, its completely unavoidable. 

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