Tuesday, August 21, 2012

CHANGES

When I started this blog I was wearing black tee shirts, jeans and flats. Every single day. I shopped and bought a bunch of different things but I wasn't confident enough to wear them. I was bored and I needed an outlet. I stumbled upon weardrobe.com and, from there, personal style blogs. I was hooked. I threw myself into finding more and more blogs that I loved and, eventually, decided that I wanted to start my own. I posted nearly ever day and, if I didn't I'd feel guilty for some reason.

Then I moved to Pennsylvania and took an unplanned break from blogging as I adjusted to living in a different place under different circumstances. I thought once I was settled (and had a reliable form of wifi), I would fall back into the swing of things as far as my blog goes. It didn't quite happen that way. You see, so much changed for me when I moved. I tend to be influenced by my surroundings and a huge part of my surroundings is the city that I live in. I've talked a little about it here but, long story short, my surroundings severely influenced how I felt like dressing. I felt a huge shift in my lifestyle and, therefore, my personal style. A shift to things that, in my opinion, aren't necessarily always blog worthy. Yeah, yeah ... who is to say what is blog worthy and what isn't. But, I am, since it is my blog and all.

For a year now I've struggled with this. I still like getting all gussied up but I do it far less often now that I stay at home. I still get dressed but many days it is something pretty simple - a top + jeans + shoes or a dress + sandals or, you get the picture. And I'm happy with this. I'm happy with my relaxed lifestyle. When I try to push myself to dress like I used to in Texas, I start to get anxious, then stressed, then depressed because I'm feeling anxious and stressed about something as simple as getting dressed.

Additionally, we've been going through a bit of a rough patch with little girl. She is a very strong willed child and it makes for some ... interesting ... parenting. To say that we have our ups and downs would be an understatement. I toggle between feeling completely exasperated with the situation and depressed because I don't feel as if I have a grip on this whole parenting thing. Some days, I feel as if we spend our entire day being reprimanded and in time out. It is trying. These feeling are multiplied when I see and read about other mums with their children via blogs. I know that is ridiculous but it is the truth. I see these blog post about these beautiful family vacations and I think, wow my family vacations are much more hectic than that and not quite as relaxing. Truthfully, I know that pictures and blogs only tell part of the story. I know that most bloggers try to keep it positive (which I truly think is the best way to do things), so they try not to post the negative aspects of their lives. I know this ... but sometimes it is hard to remember. Stupid, I know.

I've been gravitating a lot more toward lifestyle blogs as of late. Which is completely odd because I really had a hard time getting into them before. I suppose a lot of it has to do with the fact that my lifestyle has changed. I don't feel entirely comfortable in my role as a stay at home mum, so I look for support though blogging ... much as I did when I didn't feel entirely comfortable in my clothes. I realized that I've been craving more diversity in my blog. I want to blog more about my family and my life and Distinctly Desiree just doesn't really feel like to place to do that.

I guess the big picture is that, somewhere along the line, taking outfit pictures and posting them didn't feel like second nature anymore. Many day I just don't feel like it. So I don't do it unless I do feel like it. I think that when your heart isn't in it, it shows. And, frankly, I don't want to do it if my heart isn't in it. I'm not ready to completely let go of Distinctly Desiree but I also am trying to be realistic about its future. And, at this point, I just don't know exactly what that entails.
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